Do you find yourself thinking about all the worst-case scenarios that can happen in a stressful situation? You might think that you are doing yourself a favor by doing this. I’ve heard some clients call it being prepared. However, when I questioned them further about whether overthinking generates anything useful, they often don’t come up with useful ideas. Perhaps that’s because they are under so much physical and mental stress that they can’t use their brain effectively. When you are in a state of hyperarousal, the part of your mind that is capable of rational thought and planning is not available. The emotional part of your brain, also called the limbic system, gets activated because you think you are in a life-or-death situation.
You might be scratching your head as you’re reading this, thinking, “I don’t believe that. I just thinking about everything that could happen.” However, if you keep thinking about all the negative things that can happen, you start to worry. You might notice changes in your body that go along with the anxiety you’re experiencing. If your thinking leads to a constricted breathing pattern, tension in your neck or other parts of your body, or increased heart rate, you’re experiencing anxiety. The good news is that you can calm yourself down, just as you are able of winding yourself up. It’s amazing how your thoughts can create such a dramatic change in the way you feel, isn’t it?
Given that you have the power to change how you feel by changing how you think, this post can help you learn how to do that consistently and effectively. Your overthinking does not have to be your go to solution for stressful situations anymore.
How do you know when you’re overthinking?
First, you have to recognize when you’re getting yourself anxious. What is the first sign that you are overthinking? How do you even know that your overthinking? And what is the difference, to you, between thinking and overthinking? What do you notice physically when you are thinking, versus overthinking? This might seem like I’m nitpicking at your problem. However, the aim is to discriminate between useful thinking, which we need to do for everyday life, and overthinking. If you don’t know the nature of the problem, it’s probably not going to get solved.
Most likely, you overthink when you have a problem that feels difficult to solve. Because you don’t have a reference point for how you have solved similar problems, you might get stuck in a repetitive loop of confusion, followed by self-criticism, followed by more confusion. It might expect yourself to be able to handle any problem at any time. The fact that you fall short of this unrealistic expectation makes you harsh with yourself, which undermines your confidence and your ability to be a flexible, creative problem solver.
When you’re just thinking, you can use your brain more efficiently because you can generate more solutions. You have a more curious, exploratory attitude towards the problem and the possible solutions. Think about children and how they approach problems before they get told that they’re wrong or stupid for doing certain things. They try several different approaches to getting the job done, and they don’t get mad at themselves for messing up.
It doesn’t even occur to them that falling as they learn to walk or ride a bike makes them deficient. They just think, “oh, that didn’t work, I will try something different.” If you can approach problem-solving with that spirit, it doesn’t seem as dreadful or catastrophic if your attempts don’t work the first or second time. Like a scientist, you test your hypothesis and adjust to account for new information. No need to judge yourself, because you’re just learning.
Calm yourself physiologically when you’re overthinking.
Given what I said above about not being able to think well when you’re hyper- aroused by fear or stress, it’s important to calm yourself down so you can think more rationally. Simple deep breathing techniques like box breathing (breathing in from your belly on the count of 4, holding your breath for 4 beats, exhaling for 4 beats, and waiting for beats before you inhale again) can help with this. It also gives you something other than the problem to focus on, so you get out of the loop.
You can also get up, go outside and move your body to release some of the stress. If you can’t go outside, just walk around your workspace or home. This also gives your mind something else to pay attention to for the moment.
Give space to all the different solutions floating in your head.
Write down on a piece of paper all the different ways you could approach the problem that has you overthinking. Don’t censor yourself – write them all down. Even if the solution seems impossible or ridiculous, write it down. Once you have everything written down, you can go back and rank solutions in terms of what you think are the best and worst. This helps you narrow down your options so you don’t get overwhelmed by all the possibilities crowding the space in your head.
You might also take the solutions that seem wisest to you and talk to a trusted friend or colleague about them. Be sure to select someone who isn’t harsh and critical, so that you don’t feel shame about your decision-making process. If you don’t have someone to help you narrow down your solutions, you might think about hiring a coach or an expert in the field who can guide you knowledgeably about the problem.
Be careful what you tell yourself with your overthinking.
If your tendency is to focus more on your deficiencies in solving the problem, than on solving the problem, you’re actively working against yourself and more likely to re-create that negative thinking loop described above. Another writing exercise might be to write down exactly what you’re thinking about the problem, whether it is about yourself, someone else, or about the problem itself. Sometimes, seeing this in black-and-white on a page makes you realize how harsh you’re being with yourself for other people.
You must retrain yourself to sift in sort those judgmental thoughts out from your problem-solving routine. These thoughts are counterproductive and make you doubt yourself, or waste energy being angry at other people, when you have no control over those people’s actions. The only person whose thoughts and actions you can do anything about, is you. Therefore, when you recognize that your overthinking consists mostly about impotent rage against yourself or others, you need to redirect your energy to actual solutions.
If you’re struggling with overthinking and would like anxiety therapy, please give me a call at 661-233-6771.
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