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Couples Therapy

What Is Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFTC)?

Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples (EFTC) helps partners renew their emotional and physical bond by focusing on attachment needs. Based on attachment theory, EFTC addresses how unmet needs for closeness and security can trigger distress in relationships

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If you’ve ever felt helpless, overwhelmed, or even fearful during an argument with your partner, it might be because these deeper attachment needs are being activated. Even if you know all the best communication techniques, unresolved attachment wounds can cause automatic, emotionally charged reactions that lead to repeated conflicts. Without healing these wounds, couples can get stuck in dysfunctional patterns of relating. However, when you understand your emotions and recognize how both you and your partner are struggling, compassion and connection can be restored—leading to a stronger, healthier relationship.

The Origins of EFTC

​Dr. Sue Johnson developed EFTC in the mid-1980s after extensive research into what makes relationship therapy effective. She found that when couples learned to access and express their emotions and needs more clearly, their relationships improved.

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Instead of focusing on the content of everyday fights, Johnson helped couples uncover the underlying emotions and attachment needs that fueled their conflicts. She paid close attention to nonverbal communication and emotional reactions in the moment, guiding partners to express their feelings in a way that fostered understanding and empathy. Her approach modeled how to support each other during emotional distress, recognizing that childhood attachment patterns shape how we connect in adult relationships.

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EFTC is effective for all types of relationships, including heterosexual, LGBTQ+, polyamorous, and non-monogamous partnerships. No matter your relationship structure, understanding and healing attachment wounds can lead to greater emotional closeness.

Is EFTC Right for You and Your Partner?

Couples therapy can help if:

  • You keep having the same argument over and over.

  • One of you seeks closeness while the other withdraws.

  • You struggle to understand each other, despite trying.

  • You shut down during conflict, leaving your partner confused.

  • You panic when your partner goes silent, fearing abandonment.

  • Past trauma from childhood or previous relationships affects your interactions.

  • You say or do things you regret, causing emotional distance.

  • Both of you have threatened to leave, but deep down, you want to stay.

  • You didn’t grow up with healthy relationship examples, making it hard to navigate conflicts.

  • You’re noticing red flags you ignored early on and feel unsure about your partner’s ability to change.

  • Resentment has built up, and arguments have increased—or you’ve buried problems just to keep the peace.

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If any of this sounds familiar, you may be wondering: What do I do with all these unresolved feelings?

How I can help your relationship

There was a time when your relationship felt good—or at least good enough for you to get together. Do you remember what drew you to your partner? Does your partner remember what they were attracted to in you? You may have lost sight of that, but you can rekindle your relationship with time and care. Even if you feel disconnected or hopeless now, that connection can be rebuilt.

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Seeking outside help can make all the difference. The cost of loneliness, isolation, or even legal issues like divorce and custody battles can be far greater than the effort of working on your relationship. You don’t have to wait until your relationship is on the verge of breakup or divorce. In fact, addressing your problems when they are manageable makes much more sense. The things you say in fights cannot be unsaid, and they tend to leave lasting hurt and resentment.

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Couples therapy is not just about addressing the problems. You can also explore times when your relationship is going well – when you feel closer, when you have fun and when you feel succeed together. I encourage you to look for the positive emotions in your relationship, as well as the ones that create storms. When you feel supported, hopeful, and secure, it becomes easier to find your way back to your partner and the relationship you both deserve to have.

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In our sessions, I will:

  • Help you uncover the patterns keeping you stuck and what drives your conflicts.

  • Observe how you interact and gently guide you toward more understanding and connection.

  • Teach you to recognize and repair negative cycles that push you apart.

  • Encourage empathy and respectful communication, helping you see both your perspective and your partner’s.

  • Support you in making lasting changes, so conflicts become easier to navigate.

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As you break negative cycles and strengthen emotional bonds, you’ll find healthier, more flexible ways to handle conflict—leading to a more fulfilling and lasting relationship.

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You deserve to feel connected, secure, and at peace with your partner. If you're ready to take the next step towards understanding your emotions and your partner’s needs and feelings, I look forward to hearing from you. Please click the button below to get started.

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